Like an old man eating soup

2 Jan

Honestly, I haven’t laughed so hard at a baby story as I did on New Year’s Eve. We went to the estimable S&E’s house, where our hosts made stupendously good turkey, veggies, people brought stuffing, brownies, something, hrmph….was there squash? I’m pretty sure I ate a lot of cheese. And oh shit, I almost forgot the homemade gravelax.

So, fine, yes. Our hosts made fantastic, stiff Manhattan’s, and I drank like 3-4 of them I think, and I was pretty much sloshed the rest of the way through dinner (where I drank wine, then aquavit. Aquavit! The fucking water of life!). But food was definitely served, and I ate and drank and made merry. We also brought the best chocolate chip cookies EVA, and made some ice cream sandwiches (another side note: these are, I kid you not, the best chocolate chip cookies. I know you’re thinking ‘sure, they might be good, but the best?‘ Dude. Yes.)

But back to the baby story. There were two other couples there, who intrepidly brought along their little ones. I mean, that shit is badass. Baby ain’t getting in the way of MY New Year’s Eve, man. So, yeah, three couples who have like 1-ish babies, and then our hosts, who are expecting. Two babies sleeping in the back. Booze. So lots of baby talk. Sick baby talk, all over the place.

And one of the guys, let’s call him Shmee-li, was talking about the relative amount of work he and his wife are doing, what with breastfeeding and all. Everyone’s division of labor is different here, naturally, and they’re all fucked up in their own way. I myself play diaper-and-delivery, getting baby up and delivering him to mama in the living room, where she nurses. Others nurse in bed, many times it’s exclusively women who get up, get the baby, nurse the baby, put the baby back, with the men none the wiser. All of these ‘work’, and none of them do. Baby 101, my man. In fact, the other guy’s wife, (let’s call him Shmadam), was joking about how she had gotten up, was about to change the baby, and Shmadam came bursting in and totally freaked her out. He apparently thought she had been on call and at work, and suddenly woke up to hear baby crying, came flying in, and nearly heart-attacked his wife.

Meanwhile, Shmee-li is talking about how he woke up thinking his father-in-law was in his bed next to him and it totally freaked him out. And then he realized that his 11-month-old baby, when he’s nursing, sounds like his father-in-law eating soup. And not just like a broth or something. “like, a chowder.”

So for the past two days I’ve been thinking about the 11-month-old who sounds like an old man eating soup. Like. Love.

Then someone made a connection sometime during dinner and was like “you’re Brooklyn Dad! How long have you been writing for them?”

Happy 2012 y’all. We have awesome games to play for 2k12, and we want you to join us!


2 Responses to “Like an old man eating soup”

  1. ethanmcc January 10, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

    Yes, that Brooklyn Dad company is awesome….I am in the process of applying for a position there too!

  2. Peter January 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

    Yes, I have just the position for you.

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