24 Dec

Not from me, really and truly. But from everyone else, yes. Something about having a baby makes you an intimate with people in ways you never would have contemplated beforehand. On my way up the elevator to postpartum recovery, a woman chats me up:

Complete stranger woman: So did you deliver already?
Me: Yes, yesterday at 1:30am.
Stranger-woman: Congratulations! Is mom breastfeeding?
Me: Um, yes. She’s trying to.
Stranger-woman: So, did she get a good latch? Are her nipples cracked?
Me: Um, not that I know of.
Stranger-woman: Great! I didn’t empty my left breast and now I’m here because I have mastitis and now they have to drain my breast here at the hospital.
[Ding! elevator opens]
Me: Well, good luck!

Some awesome friends had a baby about 2 weeks or so before us, and I’m talking to them today, and it’s like, Hey how’s it going? Great! How are baby mama’s breasts? Hurty! What about yours? Thrush! Oh damn, that sucks!

My sister-in-law calls me up to ask how things are going, and asks me if the baby has had an exploding poop yet.

I’ve been initiated into a crazy cult, where women suddenly feel comfortable talking to me about their episiotomy recovery and I’m giving tips on poking down little BB’s penis when changing diapers.

Once again, it feels like I’m taking crazy pills, man. Crazy. Pills.


5 Responses to “TMI”

  1. Davin December 25, 2010 at 9:11 pm #

    Yeah, but have you drunk your kool-aid yourself yet? By which I mean: is Bilbo’s poop not a big deal, or is it still “freak you right the fuck out” gross?
    We should talk about these things.

  2. Anonymous December 25, 2010 at 9:35 pm #

    See, that woman in the elevator, just a few days ago, likely had 10+ people (including her mother) staring straight at her vagina for well over an hour, while 4 of those people were holding her legs out spread eagle, so taking about her mastitis with you in a private elevator probably didn’t seem like TMI.

  3. Peter December 25, 2010 at 9:37 pm #

    Still grossed out. Every time I tell baby mama our baby smells like shit, she glares at me. But we are semi-counting these poops.

    Partner almost got projectile shat at, I’ve seen one of those go past but not been in its path…

    So, no, no kool-aid yet. We should not talk about these things.

  4. Peter December 25, 2010 at 9:40 pm #

    We’re still getting over your comment about all the poop diapers you brought to show the pediatrician.

    Couldn’t you have brought a photo or something, rather than the diaper itself?

  5. Anonymous December 26, 2010 at 10:38 pm #

    No, not the same.

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