My favorite moments of the pregnancy so far

17 Sep

My baby momma’s are things like the first time she heard the heartbeat in the OB/Gyn’s office, the first ultrasound, when we were listening to James Taylor, gazing soulfully into each others’ eyes while I felt the baby kicking for the first time (ok, that last one may not have happened exactly that way). Here are mine, in no particular order:

  • When she told me she was pregnant, and I first told her that she was shitting me, then asked to see the pregnancy test pee stick.
  • When the anatomical exam revealed that the baby likely has clubfoot, which led to lots of testing related to other chromosomal disorders. Speaking to a (ahem) close friend, I said they don’t worry about it if there is a history of clubfoot or somesuch, but we don’t seem to have any of that. Here’s the conversation that ensues, as I remember it:

    Close personal friend: ‘But baby momma has foot issues, doesn’t she?’
    Me: Um, no.
    She: Oh, then why does she wear those ugly shoes all the time?
    Me: Um, I think they’re not special orthopedic shoes, she just likes Dansko’s.

  • Baby momma on the subway, spying a sort-of seat, turning to ass her way into it between two men, the subway starts moving, she totters alarmingly in the direction of one of the men, he quickly gets up to give her his seat, she thumps into the bench.

    Ok, this last one I was not there for, but Baby momma is not the most graceful even under normal non-pregnancy conditions, and I can guarantee this is what happened. In fact, I keep having visions of her lurching ass-backwards towards this poor man on the subway.

  • Actually all incidents of Baby momma ungracefully tottering around are equally wonderful to me, and I reserve a special place in my heart for her over these. I mean, come on, how could this shift in weight and balance not make you shaky? It even happens to Alicia Keys.
  • The many times I have found myself, in Darth Vader voice, telling Baby momma’s belly: “I am your faaaather.” It never gets old for me.

Obviously I’m also enjoying calling my wife Baby momma. As you might imagine, she finds it hi-lar-ious.

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4 Responses to “My favorite moments of the pregnancy so far”

  1. Ivy September 19, 2010 at 12:01 am #

    Okay, so I’m not going to out-and-out call you a liar, but I don’t recall the discussion I was involved in going down that way. I’m pretty sure I didn’t use the word “ugly”. . .and just for the record, I own a pair of Dansko’s I wear all the time too!

    And what’s with the (ahem) ahead of close friend? You expecting to be demoted after this post or something? Can’t get rid of me that easily….

  2. Peter September 19, 2010 at 7:32 am #

    Hey, you want to tell the story, get your own blog. My version takes a little dramatic license, sure, which requires both ugly and the ahem. Also, you should know that over time that story plans on getting better and better, like a fine wine.

  3. Krista September 22, 2010 at 6:50 pm #

    Dankso’s rock. Yes, I’ve had older adults ask me if they were orthopedic shoes. But really, I consider that more a reflection on the commenter than the wearer. Women who refuse to walk in pain — we have to stick together on this!! And Baby Momma is cute but no good acronym….

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  1. This will change everything | Brooklyn Dad - November 16, 2010

    […] what I often write about. If you are hoping for a funny post about my mother-in-law or how my wife topples over on the subway, you should feel free to look at those. Otherwise, press on. There’s no […]

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