Not who I wanna be

16 Sep

Ok, maybe I’ll warm to her brand of type-A and crazy one day, or see it differently, or whatever. But today, right now? I find Alpha Mom, its purpose (“Alpha Mom is a consumer lifestyle brand, new media and research company for moms and moms-to-be”), and its advice (e.g., this insane-o-post, with its ‘I know best’, its overwrought angst, its confessional nature) about the least appealing thing I can think of.

When you find yourself writing things like the following, please just breathe first:

A couple weeks later, Noah had a tantrum while seated in his booster. I tried to talk him through it from the front seat, only to watch him in the rearview TURN HIS BODY AROUND and completely SLIDE OUT OF THE SEATBELT ONTO THE FLOOR. While I was DRIVING. At a not-entirely slow speed in a high-traffic area.

I pulled over immediately and screamed at that poor child like I have never screamed before. I was scared and shaking and sobbing and so was he. I buckled him back in, drove right home and yanked the booster out of the car and put his Britax back in.

Funny story. When I was a kid in Buffalo Grove, we (two brothers, mom, dad) were driving in the ubiquitous Plymouth station wagon – in the way-back. Man did we love the way-back. We’re driving something like 35-40 miles per hour down Lake-Cook road, and all of a sudden Jeff calls out from the back “Mom, dad, Jon fell out.” Jon had opened the door as we went around a slight curve and rolled out onto the street. We turned around, picked him up, dusted him off, and went on our way.

Now, I’m not a total asshole – kids die in traffic accidents, that shit is no joke. But this kid slid out of his seatbelt. Not out of the car. Out of the car seat. So get over your bad self.


One Response to “Not who I wanna be”

  1. Krista September 22, 2010 at 7:06 pm #

    I might understand it more if she was simply pissed that the kid slid out of his seat when he knew she couldn’t easily get to him (could explain screaming), and then found herself scared to be standing out in the middle of traffic (which may very well have put her in more danger, depending on where she was). Thing is, this kid definitely knows how to get his mom worked up….

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