Our OB/GYN

8 Sep

The woman tasked with making sure the baby doesn’t die, or kill my wife on its way out, is kind of awesome. Awesome in that she basically reproduces my temperament, confirming my worldview and thus making me like her a lot and believe that she’s right about almost everything. Funny, that.

Actually, she reminds me pretty much of the way I like to cook. I’m usually cagey when someone asks me how much of something to put in a recipe. My wife, who does not either like to cook or, you know, actually cook, is 100% ok with my methods, since she’s pretty much the taste-tester and that’s it. But friends sometimes get a bit frustrated. Typical conversation:

Well-meaning friend: How much carrots do I put in this soup?
Me: Do you like carrots?
Slightly-suspicious friend: Um, yes?
Me: Then put in a lot.
Slightly-annoyed friend: What’s a lot?
Me: I don’t know. How much do you like carrots?
Fully-annoyed friend: What does the recipe say?
Me: Recipe?

Always hilarious. Anyway, with the doctor, it’s a similar kind of story:

Dr. Wonderful (whizzes in, looks at the chart, looks at my partner, listens for baby’s heartbeat): Great! Everything is perfect!
Wife: Um, it feels like I’ve gained a lot of weight. Is that normal?
Dr. Wonderful: No, you’re fine, it’s a party, keep on keeping on. If you see a big plate of cookies, only eat half of it. Or if you want, just eat the chocolate chip ones.
Wife: Ok. Should we take a tour of the hospital before we have the baby there?
Dr. Wonderful: Do you want to see the hospital before you deliver?
Wife: I guess so?
Dr. Wonderful: Great! Take a tour! If not, it’s not like it’s the Taj Mahal or anything.
Wife: What about classes, should we take classes?
Dr. Wonderful: You’re unlikely to have a drug-free childbirth, due to existing condition. Otherwise, do you have the time, the money, the interest?
Wife: I don’t know, maybe?
Dr. Wonderful: Then take the classes! Otherwise, don’t sweat it.

We walked out of there feeling like the woman basically endorsed our existing lifestyle. Pre-natal checkup win!

Of course, on Friday we’re going to see a financial planner, where I fully expect the experience to be exactly the opposite – whatever we’re doing, if only we’d been doing it starting when we were 8, we’d be financially secure by now. But instead, we’re probably going to have start selling extraneous body parts on the black market to continue to live our exorbitant lifestyle. Or at least stop eating good cheese.

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2 Responses to “Our OB/GYN”

  1. Davin September 10, 2010 at 5:09 pm #

    As your physician friend, I feel obligated to point out that you can easily give up a kidney, a lung, or a liver, and be just fine. I’m pretty sure about two out of three of those. Most organs are extraneous these days anyway. Have you seen how much a halfway-decent Bugaboo(tm) goes for?

  2. Ivy September 10, 2010 at 8:58 pm #

    How did the meeting with the financial planner? Inquiring minds (who know all the players) want to know….

    Regardless of whether or not she gives good financial advice (although I think she does), she’s a lovely person and does things like send funny first Mother’s Day cards from your son, saying that he’s too young and she’d like to speak as his proxy.

    Not that I’m biased or anything.

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